my history..
i've a set of parents and an older sis. our lives are very family oriented. we go by each and every day of our lives thinking about each other and making every move in our lives thinking about the consequences upon our family.
my sis was kinda sickly when she was young. so, there were always frequent trips to the hospital from time to time. since then, my mom used to bend down next to me and whisper in my ear, saying, "one day, you're gonna be having that stethoscope around your neck and treating people. and you're going to help cure your sister so that she could spend more time with you and never ever step into this hospital again.."
listening to her words everytime whenever visiting the hospital, had made me instill a liking for the profession. i could still remember, when i was in standard 2 (1998)...
"mom, what does sis's doc do?"
"she treats people who have heart diseases dakshy"
"oooo.. what is she called in the hospital?"
"she's called the cardiologist. but the one who's treating your sister is the HEAD cardiologist."
"what is the difference?"
"well, she has got a higher ranking within the hospital and everybody refer to her when a patient comes in. "
"which means, she's the MAN? oh sorry. the WOMAN?"
"hahha.. yes.. something like that."
"ooooh.."
"one day, your going to be Dr.Dakshyani and the HEAD CARDIOLOGIST. and everybody is going to be coming to you for help."
"ooo! then i'll be the WOMAN?"
"yes... you'll be the woman. and you're going to make me so proud to be your mother."
"mommy. when can i become a cradadilogist?"
"it's called a cardiologist. well, you can become one really soon."
"really??"
"yup..."
that was what happened 9 years ago. somehow, after stepping into form 4 and learning BIOLOGY, i have come to realise that medicine isnt exactly something i would want to do after all. especially NOT cardiology. the whole cells, anatomy, blood, human structure, surgery thingy and i didnt seem to click. as much as the word "doctor" and my name rhymed and seemed synonymous, my likings and the profession wasnt anywhere near synonymous.
after the first term test in form 4, i casually had a talk with my mom about the whole cardiology thingy.
and the result??
"dakshy.. you know how much you liked becoming a doctor when you were a child. you're just having a gust of what your going to be studying in the future. dont worry. by the end of the 2nd semester, you'll tell me that you like it. wait and see."
the end of the 2nd semester came. the 2nd 'talk' took place.
the result??
"ma.. i only got an B3 for my biology ma.. and my friend who i tutored got higher marks than me. i dont think this medicine thingy is gonna work. plus, i studied like crazy for the subject. i think i should drop it."
"dakshy.. it's just form 4. you've got the whole of form 5 to consider. dont worry. you'll do great in your 1st term test next year."
1st term test - form 5. score for biology - 43%. 'talk' 3 was held.
results??
"43% isnt that bad la dakshy.. you PASSED! think about it. how many students failed?"
"um.. i think -"
"i'm quite sure there would be many students in your class who failed."
"no ma.. i think -"
"oh come on dakshy! you're the smartest in your class. i'm quite sure many would have gotten lower marks than you."
"ma.. i;m not exactly the smartest. there are many students who are - "
"dakshy.. you tutor so many form 4 girls in add maths, chemistry, maths, biology...."
"ma.. i only tutor in add maths ma.. and that one also only add maths."
"no la dakshy.. dont worry. you'll do great. you'll become a great cardiologist and make me proud."
"but ma...."
"dont worry dakshy.. everything is going to be fine..."
she never allowed me to finish any of my sentences! anyhow, i let it be and moved on. ever since then, everyday of my life was living mayhem. every time i were to pick up the biology book, the thought of me mugging this subject for the rest of my life would fill my thought and result in everything i study just fade away and not stick in my brain.
things went on and on.. there are still nights when i just cant accept the fact that i'm going to be studying for the rest of my life, in the process of realisizing my MOM'S dreams and not mine.
during those times, is when my ever-lasting-sweetheart siewie and i will talk on the phone for hours, trying to find solutions to my problems and find ways to convince my mom. sadly, we've run out of options.
so, yea.. this is the "turn" my life is taking. what is dakshy's actual ambition, you ask?
well, my ambitionS would be....
- lecturing in mathematics
- advancing my career in chemistry
this would be some of the things which i really wanna venture into when i'm done with school. my mom's view on this??
- lecturing requires a whole lotta experience before you can be appointed in a university or whatever.
- lecturing isnt a NOBLE profession
- you might not have a career that could last you a lifetime - doctors DONT retire.
- you wont be well recognised
now, what do you have to say? which one is better?
should i be a daughter who follows whatever her mom says as a mother is one person who has all the rights to guide you towards the right path of your life?
or should i rebel because this is MY life and i have all the rights to control MY life?
-a little less bitter-
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