memorising

due to the fact that i've got my dumb moral exams tomoro, i've been studying non-stop. unable to actually concentrate on the words i'm trying to memorise because of the fact that my mind is polluted with details i'm trying to divert form, i've failed miserably.
miserably!!!!!
"i cant take this no more!"i told myself at around 5 something in the evening and just threw my moral books aside and just lay on my bed. minutes later, my dad (really really concerned about his 'baby') enters my room with a glass of tea which smelt so freaking good.
"baby.. nah.. amma made some tea for you.." he says, placing the tea on my bedside table and sitting down on the frame of my japanese bed. (super cool bed which was imported from japan itself - costs a bomb!)
"thanks daddy..." i say, pulling myself together and sitting up.
"are you okay? you look really down.. anything happened??" he asks.
"no daddy.. nothing.. it's just the exam tension.." i say, obviously lying.
"no.. there's something wrong.. tell me.. what is it?" he asks, forehead creased with worry.
"no dad.. nothing.. really.." i say, lying ONCE again.
ps: my mom calls me 'ma' and i call her 'ma' too. just in case you get confused. :P

minutes later, when i ultimately gave up trying to sleep after my dad left the room, i went downstairs. i stood by the sliding door and realised that the wind is blowing happening-ly and that it'll be blowing happening-ly-er in my balcony. so, i start my way up to my room, which is connected to the balcony. while walking up, mom asks...
"what happened to you ma? are you okay? you've been looking really down since yesterday.."
"nothing ma.. i'm fine.."i lie for the hundredth time of the day.
"huh?" mom asks.
"i'm fine ma.." i say once again.
"dakshy.. i'm your mother la.. not your neighbour for me not to realise that you're feeling down..." mom says.
"nothing ma.. seruiously.." Damn! i'm so bad in lying!

i walk up to my balcony. whoa! there was practically a tornado in bukit jalil!
anyhow, i sat on the pavement built in my balcony, which was meant for sitting and stared out at the sky. for ONE hour. through out that whole hour, the "details" mentioned earlier, were haunting me. tears rolled down once again. man! i've never cried this much in my life before for something other than somebody's death. somehow, when i actually think about it, the entire scene of me in the balcony reminds me of typical tamil movies where the heroin cries in the midst of super-winds and the hero watches her in dismay. sadly, there wasn't a hero in my story. : (

damn wei.. i'm beginning to crap already. i think i should say adios before i start crapping some more.

-simply bitter-