tested

being tested
suddenly, i feel as though my whole sistem is being tested. my patience, my anger, my composure, my health, and of course, my priorities. since young, i've always been able to hold myself together. EXCEPT when it comes to exam results. that realy breaks me down and makes me lose my composure. lately, i feel as though i'm really losing it. everbody, and everything is testing me and pushing me to the limit. being a normal human being, i'm bound to just break lose and throw the no-matter-what-happens-i'll-always-be-in-contol face of mine.

i dunno whether my level of tolerence is beginning to drop and that i'm starting to get angry over the smallest things or its just time for me to stop bottling up everything within me and just behave like an absolutely normal person, who lets people know of how she feels when things come in the way. i know it's always good to express yourself as it is psychologically healthy, but not all the time. i think even you will agree with me.

though to the outside world, i might seem like a completely out-spoken person, i'm really not. especially lately. since last year, i started feeling as though its better to bottle up unpleasant feelings so that people dont get offended and relationships dont get spoilt. also, when you know they have the upper hand (older, higher hierarchy etc), you usually opt to do exactly that.

but, how much can i contain? do you know that if too much sacrifice is made, soon devotion will turn to hatred?! are some people really that ignorant towards how someone else might feel? i really dont see the difference between a murderer and someone who is numb towards feelings. truly.

as much as all of you who are reading this know me well, you should know that once i hate someone or lose respect on them, it NEVER heals and comes back to normal.

~ losing it~